Anybody Home?

Who can I call or talk to when no one else will answer? Ok. Let’s make the question a little more challenging. Let’s say G-d will answer. But what happens when my actions are either directly, purposefully against His will or indirectly, but habitually so? A good question… or not?

When we say the Amida, we say a blessing that ends with G-d being a forgiver (בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה ה׳, חַנּוּן הַמַּרְבֶּה לִסְלחַ - Blessed are You, HaShem - Yud Kay Vuv Kay being of merciful, masculine aspect of HaShem in Kabbalistic sources - Gracious One Who keeps on forgiving). The usual explanation for saying this blessing is that He forgives us for our transgressions and that we must be certain that He indeed does so, for if not, it would be a false blessing – which we don’t do. However, add to this the statement that one who transgresses with the intention of repenting afterward is not given the opportunity to repent – except in a case where the transgressor so-to-speak pushes through with (supposing) real regret and return.

But (and I’m aware that sentences should not begin with ‘buts’ and yet everyone does it and everyone doing something does not make it correct – but let’s just assume writers license here for the moment) we’re still left with the problem of G-d answering someone and being there for them should they be acting directly or indirectly against His Supreme Will. If some, or most, or any of a persons actions are in opposition to said will, and the person has little control or, let’s say little desire to change the behaviours in question, but on the other hand deeply wishes to connect to G-d (HaShem) and to succeed in life and to have deep meaningful experiences, etc., etc., etc. How is it possible for a person to rectify such seemingly extremely incongruent opposites?

Ok. Let’s go back to the drawing board. We say G-d (HaShem/HaKadosh Baruch Hu) is a Rachum רַחוּם - merciful, ViChanoon וְחַנּוּן - and bestows (fancy word for giving in a very nice way) gracious kindnesses, Erech Apayim אֶרֶךְ אַפַּיִם – slow to anger. We say He is Rav Chessed וְרַב חֶסֶד – abundantly kind, Vi-Emes וֶאֱמֶת – and truthful, and…

נשֵֹׁא עָוֹן וָפֶשַׁע וְחַטָּאָה וְנַקֵּה (Nosei Avon, VaFesha, ViChata’ah, ViNa’akeh) – Bearing 3 (escalating in severity) types of sin and transgression, and provides cleansing.

Ok. I’m sold. G-d is good. He let’s sin pass by. He’s all-good, all-merciful, etc., etc., etc. Um, that is, until you get to the next words in the verse in Exodus 34:7, “… yet He does not completely clear [of sin] He visits the iniquity of parents on children and children's children, to the third and fourth generations."

Anybody see a contradiction?

Thank G-d, The All-Merciful One. I read the rest of the sentence, and even the one after. Why? Because it goes in a slightly different fashion than I’d have thought. Check it out: Verses 8 - 11 go, “And Moses hastened…and said: "If I have now found favor in Your eyes, O Lord, let the Lord go now in our midst [even] if they are a stiff necked people, and You shall forgive our iniquity and our sin…”. The rest is there for viewing in your local Chumash or here at this link.

I’m fairly certain that this adds a new dimension to our connection to G-d (new as in I’m now again aware of it, not new as in tomorrow is a new day, such that August 4, 2011 or Av 4, 5771 has never happened before and – provided the makers of the Gregorian calendar don’t decide to make some serious changes – again – will never happen again).

As the story has gone on for over 3 thousand years, starting with the first complaint that our ancestors ever made against HaShem, and to the present day, is that G-d wants us around, wants us to keep praying, keep hoping, keep trying, keep reaching for the stars (figuratively – cuz we know what He actually wants us to be doing – 613 Biblicals, 7 Rabbinicals), and that when we do make mistakes – because even an sin is called a mistake. The Gemara even says it straight out – a person doesn’t sin unless a spirit of insanity/folly/idiocy whatever enters him. So even if you do it on purpose (which I’m not advising or advocating, because purposeful or accidental sins have their consequences the same as flicking a switch turns on a light whether purposeful or accidental – and I’m aware of the times when the bulb is broken, but let’s assume the bulb is in good working order as well as the fixture and all the wiring leading from switch to bulb).

So let’s make a deal with ourselves, yeah? We opt to try. We opt to say yes to a brighter future, to say yes to living with The Eternal One, to make a home for Him down here in the trenches, where life sometimes is deeply, gutturally hard. And I know that with His help (after-all He did make the world and everything in it) anything is possible – including evil – so let’s try and do the right things, and if we don’t know what they are, then let’s find out.

For a mind-blowing list of websites providing written, audio, and video material, plus locations of hundreds, if not thousands of centers of study, feel free to contact me. And I’ll do my best to give you all the online resources you can handle.

Til next time,

Keep hope and keep trucking,
Ben

The Good, the Bad and the Confusion

Hi,

My name is Ben Silver. My Jewish name is Binyamin Shmuel ben Zusia Meir (בּנימין שׁמואל בּן זוסיא מאיר).

I have a confession to make. It's sort of like having a split personality, but in Judaism and in Jewish writing it's referred to differently. In Jewish writing it's called having a Yetzer Tov and a Yetzer Rah. In plain English they translate as a good desire and a bad desire. What it means in actual, practical terms is that I desire to do what is right and I simultaneously desire to do what is not good. One time while in Jerusalem, Yerushalayim (ירושׁלים), I heard a Rabbi from Aish HaTorah explain it as follows: He explained the two drives as being one of connecting and one of disconnecting. My understanding of this explanation is that I have in me the constant desire to connect with people, to build relationships, and at the same time, to push those people away and to unbuild those relationships, or possibly worse, to create not good relationships. I believe it to be equally applicable to my perspective on G-d (HaShem - הקבּ״ה). On the one hand I deeply want and, from my gut, need to connect to a higher power, a source of all creation, and do His will, whether I understand it or not; And on the other hand, there is a feeling, whether intellectual, guttural, emotional or what-have-you, to unconnect from the source, from The Holy Blessed Be He, Creator of everything that ever was, is and will be. My confession is that I am part animal and part soul, part human and part G-dly - that I succeed and that I fail.

I tell this to you, dear reader, because if by chance (and I do mean chance colloquially and not literally) you feel perturbed on the inside, confused about your life and your desires, your attempts to become better than you are now, and G-d forbid the opposite, I want you to know that a) you are not alone and b) there is a reason, a G-d-given reason for it. By no means do I mean to excuse my bad behaviour or choices; I must deal with them and correct them and better them - and I also need to keep in mind that I am a part of G-d from on high, and that everything that happens is by Divine will and providence and that while there is still life in our veins - as the blood is the life (כִּי הַדָּם, הוּא הַנָּפֶשׁ) we can still improve and grow and make this world a better place, for ourselves, for our community, and for the world at large (רבי אומר, איזו היא דרך ישרה שיבור לו האדם--כל שהיא תפארת לעושיה, ותפארת לו מן האדם).

Keep hope and keep trucking,

Ben